In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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