and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
