I have demons in me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
