His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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