she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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