Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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