My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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