You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
