I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
