She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
