I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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