Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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