She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize