its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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