The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
