Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
