i just wanna soil my oats bro
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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