I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
