My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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