im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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