chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
