what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
