Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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