I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
