I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
