I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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