got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
