i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
