Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
