i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
