I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
