guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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