the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I pour the whiskey from now on
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
