I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
