just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize