I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm just crazy horny about you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
