Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
