I could have mohawked her pubes.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
