You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize