No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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