I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
