Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I want is dick and wine.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
