who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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