i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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