Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
