oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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