my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize