so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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