ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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