Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize