grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
