Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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