Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
