After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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