6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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