There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need a beard to bite.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
