saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
