Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
