Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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