the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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