I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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