So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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