We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
