Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
