I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
