It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
