walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
