considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize