Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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