my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
