That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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