Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
